When is a sleepover over?

I know a lot of very smart, caring, and talented parents read this blog. I need some advice.

What is a normal sleepover these days? My ten-year old son has had many sleepovers over the past few years. More recently, they've started to cause some complications.

A sleepover at our house usually starts around 6:00 with one or two friends. There is a lot playing, usually some pizza or Sonic, possibly a movie, then more playing and lights out by midnight. The boys inevitably wake up early, play some more, have some breakfast, and then leave by 10am.

At other houses, though, there is a different approach, primarily concerning bedtime. The parents go to sleep before 11:00 and the rest is up to the kids. In other words, there is never a lights out/stop playing moment. We've picked up Ben from these sleepovers and found out that he went to sleep after 1am and as late as 3am. This morning, for the first time in his life, we found out that he never went sleep!

When I was young, I always remember a moment when the parents would come in the room and tell us it was time to go to sleep. Of course, we would lay in the dark and talk for awhile, but we were usually asleep within a half hour. The other idea is that at sleepovers you stay up to crazy hours and come home tired - that's what a sleepover is for.

So, I'm asking for some advice. What is a normal sleepover bedtime? When your children have (or had) sleepovers, do you stay awake until lights out or do you let them play themselves to sleep. Do you send your child to other houses with his or her own bedtime or defer to house rules? What's the latest your son or daughter has stayed up during a sleepover?

What are sleepovers like in your world?

Comments

[Anthony D. Coppedge]

I'm with you on this, Brian: lights out call from the parents is imperative.

I'd ask the parents either in person or on the phone well before I sent my child over what time they will make sure the children go to bed.

Having fun at these is of course a high priority, but having a child who is then out of whack with their sleep pattern isn't something I want to deal with. Especially when they're 13 and under!

[David]

The kind of sleepover you describe, I have allowed once in my house, however my daughter is 15 and I knew ahead of time that they were going to try to stay up all night. No one made it all night, but one said she was up until 5am. This was in the summer, and as I said, they were 15. At 10 years old, I don't think it would be a good idea to go beyond midnight without a lights out and get in the sleeping bags directive from a parent. Especially during the school year.

To compensate, why not keep them over until 11am allowing an extra hour to hang out.

[Charlie Owen]

Normal is whatever you and the other parents agree are the ground rules. If you can't reach consensus, you probably don't know them well enough to let your child be in their care. Communication is the key in this situation.

[Rick]

Brian, you're correct in assuming some boundaries for the kids when they have a sleepover.

Last year, when my oldest son was 12, he spent the night on a Saturday night and they never went to sleep. He got home about noon on Sunday, slept until 9 that night, then of course couldn't sleep that night. Needless to say, he didn't have a good beginning to the school week that week.

For your pre-adolescent, 11pm is plenty late on a weekend when friends are over. If you hold the line on that one, you'll find that they get a good night's sleep with few problems the next day.

You're doing the right thing here. Thanks for being a parent in control!

[Geoff Surratt]

I've never heard of someone actually sleeping at a sleepover; staying up all night was the point of going. Having a 15 year old and a 19 year old and having experienced many sleepovers, I can assure there will be bigger challenges ahead. The key is to keep the small stuff the small stuff. Party on!

[Evan Erwin]

Oh boy, what a perdicament. I know back in the day I liked not having rules/bedtime, but as a parent I would want to impose at least a "No later than midnight" clause in there somewhere.

I'm guessing it varies, but at the same time sleepovers are funny things that are different depending on the kids involved (how many, how old) and the parents as well.

[Anthony D. Coppedge]

I hear ya, Geoff, and that's fine if they're 15 - but he's talking about his 10 year old.

I still say at 10, lights out by midnight is smart.

[dan ohlerking]

i'm with geoff on this basically. what time they go to sleep isn't the issue. what they're doing while they stay up should be the question. if you trust them and who they are with, the all-nighter part is no biggie. if you've got a reason to wonder whether they'll do stuff they shouldn't because you're asleep and they're "alone" then i think that's the question to address. and i guess that just comes with knowing and communicating with your kids and who they are hanging out with.

but as far as sleep hours for the sake of sleep? who really cares? let 'em try to stay up... life's short. and mabye when they start their own blogs they'll have learned how to stay up all night and do the "wee hours" blogging like us "big people."

[Bob]

what's fun about going to bed early!? Do ya'll really think your kids go to bed when you tell em to!? Of corse they don't. Your kids stay up, ray the kitchen, giggle sneak around the house. When a parent says lights out, the kids say let the games begin!